guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
