I hate your face
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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