I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
MIDGETS
????
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
