To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
