i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
