you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
