You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
