Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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