hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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