I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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