nut hugger
it wasn't lemon gatorade
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
