you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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