Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
