I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
