so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
