how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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