I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
