She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
