So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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