Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
