the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
