i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
