Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
