I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
