Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
