so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
