one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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