I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
