if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
