I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
