Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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