Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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