What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Houston, we have a blender
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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