Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize