You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
