this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
