rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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