Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
