i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
