I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
