her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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