Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
