this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
