After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
