Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
