Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
