so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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