Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
