i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
