I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
