There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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