dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
