remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My feet surprised me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
