my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
