ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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