i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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