If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
