so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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