no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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