the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize