he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
