How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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