remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
