I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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