Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
