those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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