I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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