i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
